LACK OF UNDERSTANDING

Understanding is a psychological process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or message whereby one is able to think about it and use concepts to deal adequately with that object. Understanding is a relation between the knower and an object of understanding (Wikepedia)

A sympathetic awareness or tolerance. Understanding has synonyms like compassion, considerate, empathy, concern etc.

I’m hurt deeply and the intensity of this hurt is the source…. What I feel today is similar to something I felt twice in a week in the month of May 2019. But let me give you background;

I have always talked with Kofi even as a baby because that is one way to help him develop language skills be it receptive or articulated. Since Kofi started school, I engage him on the way to school by singing, reciting rhymes or plain mother and son conversations. This is has become a part of our routine and has evolved to include things like Kofi showing me key landmarks along the journey by pointing to these. It is actually exciting until we tried it in a taxi….

In the second week of May 2019, I was cash-strapped so instead of the usual Uber/Bolt to drop lil man off at school before I go to work, I decided we use the traditional taxis. We picked one taxi and as usual, we began our ‘thing’. In Kofi’s excitement to show me a ‘big tree with green leaves’, he accidentally touched the taxi driver on his shoulder, he looked at Kofi in a certain way but I apologized and we carried on…..within minutes, it happened again and this time, the driver said (in Twi) ‘madam, if you can’t control your child, I may have to drop you guys to find another means of commuting’ – I was shocked! Where is this vehemence in his tone coming from? So I apologetically said, ‘masa, please be patient because you are acting like you do not know how children behave, he only touched you and it was accidental, I have apologized for it too’. By the time I finished saying this, he had stopped and was instructing me to get out of the car with my son…. let’s just say it way a difficult day for me.

My job required for me to travel every now and then so what I did was to talk with Kofi morning and evening every day and in between, whenever he wanted to talk to mommy… Imagine my utter dismay and disappointment when somebody I respected and should know better heard me talking to Kofi on phone and just said ‘look at how he has been spoiled by his mother’, in a derogatory tone of voice with so much disdain! Where is this coming from? Do I really know this person like I thought? Do they understand what Down syndrome is? That it affects intellectual, emotional and social skills? Anybody who knows me will tell you the only thing I have spoilt Kofi with is my love but that doesn’t mean I have lowered expectations of him (which was implied by this person)…if anything a facilitate and model socially appropriate behaviors with and for him because the harsh reality is society is always watching for the ‘oh, that’s how these individuals are’ comment but I know he CAN BE MORE…!!!

I was so hurt by this and disappointed but then again, as I write this, I ask myself, should I really be disappointed? The fact that people hang around you does not mean they understand all that may be happening. The fact that Kofi has a relationship with this individual should have given them the opportunity to understand what living with someone with Down syndrome entails but obviously not…

This person had the opportunity to show understanding but clearly chose not to, they forgot that he is still a 6-year old child (yes, they are a parent too) who was simply excited to hear his mommy’s voice over the magic of technology clear as if I was with him in person….

What can I say?

The cause of Down syndrome is unknown; however, a person is said to have Down syndrome when they have 3 copies instead of 2 of the 21 chromosomes (which is why Down syndrome is also referred to as Trisomy 21). All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses. (from the National Down Syndrome Society). Kids and adults with Down syndrome have much to say. They have thoughts, ideas, and enjoy meaningful conversations, Take the time to listen…

This was actually just a vent post but remember that we are cautioned by the Good Book, that ‘wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom and in all your getting, get understanding’ – Prov. 4:7

Thank you for reading and you may not know but you just contributed to my mental well-being by allowing me to vent. Please share your thoughts on this vent post with me J and do come back for more…