Learn, Understand and Accept

Seven years!

These days, the internet does not allow us the luxury of forgetfulness, even if you don’t want to know, you will get a notification of your memories on a given date’s anniversary! However, even without the prompting of google, there’s no way I will ever forget the date January 21, 2014, and the events leading to this day, a Tuesday. Where were you and what were you doing on this date?

We started looking for a laboratory conduct the karyotype with the help of his pediatrician since October 2013. And mind you, we were in the hospital a lot around the time with one thing or the other, which turns out to be a couple of things. I was constantly asking, ‘Dr Danso, any leads?’ and he will always respond calmly, ‘I’ll let you know as soon as I have any information on that. Until then, just enjoy your son’. I hear the words but the enjoying part doesn’t sink in – I mean; how do I do that? I decided to take it one day at a time.

 I was to resume work from my maternity leave on January 13, 2014 – I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. Excited to go back to work, but apprehensive because, what do I say when colleagues begin to ask the milestone questions? How do I hide or explain the sadness and tears that washes over me unannounced several times throughout the day in a work environment? I called Dr. Danso on Friday January 10, 2014, to tell him that I will be resuming work on the Monday January 13, 2014. It was on that call that he told me that Medlab can facilitate the testing so I should take my son there for them to get the blood sample to South Africa. This is information I have been waiting for but the timing shook me. I called Medlab East Legon branch, made the necessary enquiries and agreed to be there later in the day. Hmmm

Before we left home, I decided I was going to get tested too because I had read about career genes and I felt I needed to know if, somehow, I passed this on to my son! So, I packed a few things for both of us for the weekend – I needed to be alone with my son, just us together while I processed the possible outcome of the test and its impact on us moving forward. We got to Medlab, and that is where the heartbreak started. Finding a vein to draw the blood was like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack! As my baby was crying, obviously from the pain of the needle pricks here and there, I was crying for many reasons but the paramount being I wished there was a way of getting the blood without hurting him. Eventually when the blood was drawn for both of us, I was told we would get the results in 10 -14 days and we left.

When we got to our hotel for the weekend, after bathing and nursing him to sleep, I could not stop the tears – I cried all through the night. Strangely, when he woke up in the cause of the night, I’ll care for him with a smile on my face and as soon as I lay him down, the tears flowed. After a night of crying, I came to the realization that, I was grieving for the child I thought I was going to have all through the pregnancy, in order for me to accept and love the son I got. I also realized that the test was more for me than for my son because everything I read pointed to me that he had Down syndrome but I needed to know that I did not pass it on to him. I also felt the test will give me both a closure and a new beginning.

Seven years! Seems like a lifetime ago and yet I remember all the details as if it was just yesterday! Seven years ago on this day, I was at work when I got a call from Dr. Danso around mid-morning, asking me to pass by after work – I was expected to close at 2pm. Even before asking him if all was ok, I knew what that call was about. I told him I could actually come immediately to which he agreed. I went and spoke with my supervisor and headed out. When I got to the hospital, I remember us walking from the consulting room to his office, we sat down and made attempt at small talk but my voice was already shaking from the effort of suppressing so many difficult emotions….seven years!

There is something about the number seven (7) and depending on what your beliefs are, there are equally so many interpretations to what 7 stands for. Being a Christian, let me state that the number seven, 7, is very significant. By the seventh day, God was done creating the entire universe, looked at all He’s done and said it was good and He rested! Seven is the number associated with perfection! On the same spiritual level, the number 7 is associated with inner wisdom and knowledge. I even read somewhere that there is something called the seven-year cycle which alludes to the fact that as humans, our bodies and minds change in its development every seven years – isn’t that interesting?

It’s been seven years of growth, impact and self-discovery. When I got the diagnosis, I looked for other parents who could share their experiences openly with me so I could learn from them. It was difficult, so I decided, I will work to change the stereotype with my son, advocate for inclusion and create awareness about the value of life outside the labels with every opportunity I get. Most of the time, the opportunities are my Facebook wall, WhatsApp status and this blog. A few other times, it’s been media houses, community durbars and the Toastmasters platform.

Seven years on, I know I wasted money to get myself tested, I know better now. I love my son with my very being, as does every parent with their child. He brings me so much joy and inspiration with his quirks and sheer personality. Little did I know that the diagnosis was going to make me a single parent but that notwithstanding, here we are breaking down barriers and living beyond the label. Who would have thought that my daughter, who was an only child for sixteen years would become so jealous of her brother, and yet, here we are with the two of them so inseparable seven years on? Who would have thought that me, who was so preoccupied about what society would think about this child, is now advocating for and creating awareness about Down syndrome?

We have come a long way and I am tempted to believe the notion that as human beings, we evolve every seven years. If you only knew where we were seven years ago today and where we are now as I write this, you would believe it too. There are still hard and difficult days but I am grateful to God and every single individual who has been part of the journey. Charlie, the next seven years go pap (as my friend Ammisshaddai Ofori would say) wai, so help us God.

Cheers to the next seven years, special needs parents, team KEY and definitely to single parents!!!

Happy new year folks, may 2021 be your best year yet. Keep hope alive