A Letter to My Thirteen-Year-Old

Dear KEY,

You woke up on September 27 and, instead of your usual “Good morning, Mummy, how was your sleep?”, you announced with full confidence at that early hour: “Mummy, it’s my birthday! I’m 13 like Theodore!” Theodore, your classmate who calls you his brother, turned 13 back in March, and I know you had been waiting ever since. You were so proud. You had counted, you had waited, and you had decided that thirteen was a very important club. You were right. It is.

I laughed. Then I had to sit down for a moment, because thirteen… Thirteen years of KEY. Thirteen years of learning you, fighting for you, celebrating you and being taught by you. My boy (I know you don’t like it when I call you ‘my boy’ but let’s face it, you will always be my boy) is a teenager! I want you to know some things, so I am writing them here where I can keep them.

When you were born and eventually diagnosed, I did not know what our road would look like. I did not know the words I would learn, the offices I would sit in, the questions I would ask and be asked, or the people I would meet because of you. I did not know how much joy one boy could bring into a household. I also acknowledge that you have challenged me beyond what I thought was possible.

You have taught me patience I did not have. You have taught me to celebrate things other people walk past. You have made me braver than I ever planned to be.

I remember the first time you saw someone with Down syndrome in a movie. You pointed at the screen and said, “Mummy, Down syndrome, like me!” I smiled in awe. Self-awareness leads to agency and, in your case, self-advocacy. I still smile at that memory.

Mummy, Down syndrome, like me!

Thirteen means new things. Your body is changing, your opinions are getting louder, and you want a say in all things about your own life. That is both exciting and scary. I will not always get it right. But I promise to keep listening, keep learning, and keep making room for the young man you are becoming.

I love you, and I am very excited about all that we will discover together in this phase of your life.

Mummy

P.S. As I wrote this letter to you, I remembered the one I wrote to your big sister, my Mimi, on International Women’s Day in 2020. Reading it again this week, I smiled at how much has changed and how much has not.

Your sister turns 29 this Saturday. So, Mimi, from all of us, happy birthday in advance, my darling. Everything I wrote to you then still stands: I am still your number one fan, and I still want you to be great, be you and be more. Your brother may be thirteen “like Theodore”, but he has the best big sister to look up to.

Be great, be you and be more…

More soon. Stay close.

Debbie